I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
