margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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