she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
