and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
