Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
