he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
