I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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