Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
