I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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