Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
