he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
