I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
