I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
