This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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