A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
