Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
