you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
