When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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