The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
