distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
