New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
its liver damage thursday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
