so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
