I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
