I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
