i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
