He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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