Nicole vs. Life
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
