I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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