I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
