rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
