So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
