don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
third nipple confirmed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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