i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
