just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
