Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
