I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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