Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
