I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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