Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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