fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
