I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
