her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
