break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
