im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
