i love accidental penises.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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