In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
