there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
