I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
