I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
