I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
