My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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