That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You pole danced in your parka.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
