Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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