I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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