Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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