I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
